My birthday is tomorrow.
Well, in an hour.
I’ll be 18. c:
My mom and me are fighting now because of controlling bullshit.
So she’s already said that “oh just because you’re 18 now still means as long as you live with me it’s my rules.” So okay, cool, the other night she says my curfew is midnight, fine, because the night is when bad things happen.” Fine.
So then now I’m telling her how tomorrow after my ap lit exam we’re getting Panda Express then me and Diego are driving around (aka looking at tattoo places) for a bit, and told her I’ll be home before 8.
So she flips out that I’ll be out all day. I look at her and say “it’s not like you planned anything for my birthday.. did you?” “What if I had?” What if I had? She hasn’t planned anything but she’s upset that my friends actually want to make plans with me?
She tried saying that I have to spend the weekend with her then but quite frankly I told her that my friends have something planned Saturday and I’ll be out I’m the afternoon till around 11. Back before curfew. She flips again.
I told her my room/house area is clean, it’s my money, it’s not her gas, and she actually knows the two friends I’ll be with, AND I’ll be back before her curfew. Which I obey out of respect which is apparently not a mutual respect.
She’s literally only worried about me having sex, I’m not kidding, that’s what disgusts her most about me being gay, she brings it up whenever we fight about it.
I’m so upset because now she says “if this is how you’re going to live, find one of your awesome friends top live with since they’re so great” and I’m just so angry and miserable because if I had a job and a car I would live in my car if I had too, but I have neither, and no one really is close enough to me anymore that their family would let me move in. But after tomorrow she can technically kick me out if we get really bad, so….
She just has no respect for me at all as a person, and is using the pretense of rules to inhibit my individuality and freedom that I’m entitled to now.
I’m not even going crazy or staying out past too late since I have school the next day, at 8pm here the SUN is still out. She’s seriously on the verge of kicking me out and loves stressing me with that- she knows I want to voluntarily move out the minute I can, but she KNOWS I’m stuck here without money and a car. I hate that kind if manipulative bullshit, I can’t deal with her anymore.
This is exactly the stress I DON’T need right now.
That awful heartrending sensation when you can literally feel someone tearing themselves away from you. When their “I love you” sounds hollow and forced and you don’t know how to handle it so you keep talking like nothing’s wrong but just thinking about it makes you have to run to be by yourself so you can cry.
I can feel Cam just slipping away, probably flirting with other girls, and it’s okay because who can blame them? He’s all doing exciting things with his life and I get it, I’m just the long distance baggage. I’m sitting here crying over someone who I don’t even know how to talk to because I miss them so much but I feel like I’m just a bother at this point so I post on my tumblr instead.
I need to figure out my love life. :(
I raised myself reading Arthurian lore, and Julian Murphy is one of the writers. I have high hopes for this show. #ANOTHERfandom
Things I have already realized:
-Uther is a dumbass and Merlin is gonna have to save his son’s ass
-The first episode’s description literally describes Merlin as a…
BABY CUMBERBATCH I’M GLAD IT WASN’T JUST ME THAT NOTICED
NOPE NOT JUST YOU
ALSO GILES FROM BUFFY
IT TOOK ME TWO EPISODES
TILL I SCREAMED AND DIED OF JOY
MARRY ME NOW.
DONE WE ARE ELOPING THIS IS A THING
BUT THEY BETTER NOT BE A LANCELOT IN YOUR LIFE WHO’S GONNA COME BACK AND STEAL YOU KAY
(No spoilers our anything but just one word: is the way they handle the love triangle GOOD?)
If you want an idea of what I’m doing with my life lately picture a twig curled up in pain clutching her uterus while it claws at her abdomen from the inside out, enduring a migraine and about to puke, while guzzling a gallon jug of Arizona tea.
Kill me now.
Trust me, skinny bitches like me aren’t always healthy. My fast metabolism, irregular eating habits/sleep schedule, combined with my low amount of body fat relative to my body mass…. all mean that I have extremely irregular and painful periods that take me by surprise.
Fuck you too, mother nature.
There’s the tmi you NEVER WANTED.
I feel like we really bonded today, Tumblr.
I’m going to force myself into being patient and save up and as a *little* treat for surviving high school I am going to buy a Merman Jesse tail @ a decent $1,100.
Or I could buy an equally gorgeous basic tail from Merbellas with a flowy Finis foil monofin and either way I’m out $1,000 WITH NO REGRETS.
So basically, never eating out and only free drinks from others and being dirt poor but hey it’s SO SO SO worth it.
Except this is actually something I want to make happen by the end of this year. I’m seriously considering using loan funds to invest in a quality tail- if I play my cards right (all hush hush right now), I could easily use it to make money in the future.
They’re just so pretty.
THIS GIRL. ;)